Monday, December 29, 2008
In Gaza There Is...
As I was trying to figure out how to start my day, being unfocused and silently angry since yesterday_ in front of the latest events in Gaza_ I discovered this genius drawing by Mazen Kerbaj
Friday, December 12, 2008
Womanizer Alert
After looking at the sky for the past 2 weeks, refusing to deal with life on earth I decided I should go back to a very important topic: What is wrong with MEN!!
When a womanizer tells you to be careful of another womanizer, which one of the two should you believe? The womanizer or the womanizer?
Did you ever notice that a womanizer suddenly becomes a caring friend when asked about another guy; he tells you to be careful, that you will get hurt, that he is not serious and most probably would break your heart, when he had done the same things few months, weeks or even days ago... So what would you do in this case? Believe him and forget the crush you have on the other womanizer or just be adventurous and decide to unveil the truth by yourself?
A year ago I met an academic young man who was in Lebanon for research for a year or so… I had a crush on his country and he had a crush on both mine… We were both impressed by each other but our relation was simply friendship. I think we also shared a small crush on each other but none of us dared doing the effort; we both were a bit too cautious after bad experiences the year before.
We lost touch for several months but then I saw him on a hot summer Beirut day and he was completely different! He had become so confident, Did not look so academic anymore, but looked more of an “American Gigolo,” 3 decades later… He hardly talked to me and this was quite upsetting; I thought we were friends who impressed each other with our political and social statements, did he move on? Later on I heard that he has been having such a great time in Lebanon, that his intimate life was very successful and that he has been one of Lebanon’s TOP ex-pat men. Honestly this simply disappointed me. He was so much easier to talk to before, now I just felt I needed an appointment to get him to talk to me. Well few weeks later I learned that I just needed to have an attractive look, which I had that night, and he would notice me in a second, which he did.
Now something about women_ that I doubt men are aware of_ is that when they have a gossip material, they really use it and abuse it! I kept hearing from here and there, my female friends from different tastes in men talking about him: Some would say that he was so much cuter before, while others would say that he looked really different and sexy now and much more attractive. But one thing we all agreed on was that he had changed a lot and it was all because of the female attention he was having since he arrived in Lebanon. Which left me thinking if it was his fault or the Lebanese women’s fault.
Do women have this effect on men? Do we collaborate in giving them the confidence to change from being once simple and honest men and becoming womanizers? NOD!!
So my American-Gigolo-academic friend was online last time and I wanted to ask him for some gossip about Monsieur J. This was 2 months ago, when Monsieur J made himself present in my life. The first thing the academic guy said was:
D do not get into him… he is a womanizer!!!
I paused, wondering if he knew that he was also one… Then he went on: “Of course like many of us.” I smiled... Yeah he knew…
When a womanizer tells you to be careful of another womanizer, which one of the two should you believe? The womanizer or the womanizer?
Did you ever notice that a womanizer suddenly becomes a caring friend when asked about another guy; he tells you to be careful, that you will get hurt, that he is not serious and most probably would break your heart, when he had done the same things few months, weeks or even days ago... So what would you do in this case? Believe him and forget the crush you have on the other womanizer or just be adventurous and decide to unveil the truth by yourself?
A year ago I met an academic young man who was in Lebanon for research for a year or so… I had a crush on his country and he had a crush on both mine… We were both impressed by each other but our relation was simply friendship. I think we also shared a small crush on each other but none of us dared doing the effort; we both were a bit too cautious after bad experiences the year before.
We lost touch for several months but then I saw him on a hot summer Beirut day and he was completely different! He had become so confident, Did not look so academic anymore, but looked more of an “American Gigolo,” 3 decades later… He hardly talked to me and this was quite upsetting; I thought we were friends who impressed each other with our political and social statements, did he move on? Later on I heard that he has been having such a great time in Lebanon, that his intimate life was very successful and that he has been one of Lebanon’s TOP ex-pat men. Honestly this simply disappointed me. He was so much easier to talk to before, now I just felt I needed an appointment to get him to talk to me. Well few weeks later I learned that I just needed to have an attractive look, which I had that night, and he would notice me in a second, which he did.
Now something about women_ that I doubt men are aware of_ is that when they have a gossip material, they really use it and abuse it! I kept hearing from here and there, my female friends from different tastes in men talking about him: Some would say that he was so much cuter before, while others would say that he looked really different and sexy now and much more attractive. But one thing we all agreed on was that he had changed a lot and it was all because of the female attention he was having since he arrived in Lebanon. Which left me thinking if it was his fault or the Lebanese women’s fault.
Do women have this effect on men? Do we collaborate in giving them the confidence to change from being once simple and honest men and becoming womanizers? NOD!!
So my American-Gigolo-academic friend was online last time and I wanted to ask him for some gossip about Monsieur J. This was 2 months ago, when Monsieur J made himself present in my life. The first thing the academic guy said was:
D do not get into him… he is a womanizer!!!
I paused, wondering if he knew that he was also one… Then he went on: “Of course like many of us.” I smiled... Yeah he knew…
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Two Stars and a Moon
In this horrible traffic we have been dealing with in Lebanon for the past few weeks now, just enough to let people swear and lose their patience before the holidays, I looked up to the sky last Monday Dec. 1, and saw a beautiful sight: two stars and a moon...
The sky was very dark as no other stars were lighting it up; but something was so intriguing about those 2 stars and moon: They simply looked as if they were there chatting with each other...
When I was young I used to look at the moon and imagine there was a man up there, and I could see his silhouette very clearly... I still can see it sometimes...
Now I kept looking up and thinking, they are surely chatting about the world, maybe about the future of humanity? Or most probably about each human being? If they were, then I knew later that night exactly what they were talking about me and what was to happen to me that night; an unusual thing that kept me puzzled and sad... Actually a very puzzling week if I can put it that way, but not all sad!
One of the most positive sentences I have ever read was a quote in the Alchemist by Paolo Coehlo.
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
But does that really happen in real life? Because to be honest, I am sure that when I really want something I wish for it so hard that it becomes an obsession, but then it never happens and worse is that I turn and I see it looking at me and laughing... As if it was so happy that it did not happen... Or is it that I did not wish too hard for it?
Last week I was attending the European Film Festival of Beirut and the first movie that I saw with a friend was so depressing (one of several depressing movies I saw at this festival) that it kept us both so quiet when we left the theater: Si le vent souleve le sable (Sounds of Sand) by Marion Hansel (based on the book Chamelle by Marc Durin). It is the story of an African nomad family who decides to leave the village in search for water. From one side the desert and from the other the rebels and war. Their wish was not that big; they were just looking for water, one of the least human rights. Of 10 people, 2 camels and severals goats, only 2 people made it_ found almost dead in the desert. It was a movie, but surely based on the lives of lots of people wishing to have the least in life, but not managing to achieve it...
So what were the two stars and moon talking about that night?
The sky was very dark as no other stars were lighting it up; but something was so intriguing about those 2 stars and moon: They simply looked as if they were there chatting with each other...
When I was young I used to look at the moon and imagine there was a man up there, and I could see his silhouette very clearly... I still can see it sometimes...
Now I kept looking up and thinking, they are surely chatting about the world, maybe about the future of humanity? Or most probably about each human being? If they were, then I knew later that night exactly what they were talking about me and what was to happen to me that night; an unusual thing that kept me puzzled and sad... Actually a very puzzling week if I can put it that way, but not all sad!
One of the most positive sentences I have ever read was a quote in the Alchemist by Paolo Coehlo.
When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.
But does that really happen in real life? Because to be honest, I am sure that when I really want something I wish for it so hard that it becomes an obsession, but then it never happens and worse is that I turn and I see it looking at me and laughing... As if it was so happy that it did not happen... Or is it that I did not wish too hard for it?
Last week I was attending the European Film Festival of Beirut and the first movie that I saw with a friend was so depressing (one of several depressing movies I saw at this festival) that it kept us both so quiet when we left the theater: Si le vent souleve le sable (Sounds of Sand) by Marion Hansel (based on the book Chamelle by Marc Durin). It is the story of an African nomad family who decides to leave the village in search for water. From one side the desert and from the other the rebels and war. Their wish was not that big; they were just looking for water, one of the least human rights. Of 10 people, 2 camels and severals goats, only 2 people made it_ found almost dead in the desert. It was a movie, but surely based on the lives of lots of people wishing to have the least in life, but not managing to achieve it...
So what were the two stars and moon talking about that night?
Sunday, November 30, 2008
Oh the Clouds!!
This image is dedicated to my beautiful friend L who's out there covering the horrible world we live in.I woke up yesterday morning feeling quite happy about how my week was ending; I had lots of laughter and happy moments all through that week and it was something I never seem to have enough of. As I opened the window I saw the most amazing sky I have ever seen... The view from my room was not wide enough so I ran to the living room and here it was! The perfect clouds, the perfect sky, the perfect view, the perfect day...
Living outside of Beirut is actually a bliss sometimes, it is like seeing things from a distance, it never hurts and it also clears your head... Beirut, a beautiful city with beautiful people and a beautiful weather, but seeing it that way depends on your mood and the energy you can allow yourself wasting in trying to deal with the whole package. Again describing Beirut as a village was not an exaggeration, sometimes one cannot handle it much and it can become claustrophobic as you start struggling with not letting it suffocate you.
I was stuck in traffic at noon trying to get to my nephew's birthday and to be honest I never understand the traffic concept... If all the cars help each other in moving smoothly why do we have this horrible traffic in this country? Then suddenly you get to a point where all the roads are open and you start wondering: So what was the reason for the traffic just 2 meters behind you when now all the roads are open and you are driving smoothly? Anyway I could not take my eyes off the sky and its clouds... The sky and the sea were of dark blue and the clouds were hanging so low just above the horizon line...
And I kept wondering: Is anyone out there looking at that, just observing the clouds or are we all so stuck in our problems in this horrible traffic that we forget sometimes to pause and look up and around? I wished I could just sit somewhere and examine the sky and do nothing else, but I was already late to my nephew's birthday and I had promised to take some pictures...
Living outside of Beirut is actually a bliss sometimes, it is like seeing things from a distance, it never hurts and it also clears your head... Beirut, a beautiful city with beautiful people and a beautiful weather, but seeing it that way depends on your mood and the energy you can allow yourself wasting in trying to deal with the whole package. Again describing Beirut as a village was not an exaggeration, sometimes one cannot handle it much and it can become claustrophobic as you start struggling with not letting it suffocate you.
I was stuck in traffic at noon trying to get to my nephew's birthday and to be honest I never understand the traffic concept... If all the cars help each other in moving smoothly why do we have this horrible traffic in this country? Then suddenly you get to a point where all the roads are open and you start wondering: So what was the reason for the traffic just 2 meters behind you when now all the roads are open and you are driving smoothly? Anyway I could not take my eyes off the sky and its clouds... The sky and the sea were of dark blue and the clouds were hanging so low just above the horizon line...
And I kept wondering: Is anyone out there looking at that, just observing the clouds or are we all so stuck in our problems in this horrible traffic that we forget sometimes to pause and look up and around? I wished I could just sit somewhere and examine the sky and do nothing else, but I was already late to my nephew's birthday and I had promised to take some pictures...
Friday, November 28, 2008
Lucky 27 on November 27!
Everybody wants to believe that things in life usually happen for a reason, right? So what are the odds of seeing someone who has been living in Lebanon for the past 2 years now, someone we've only met 3 times and whose number we deleted just the night before? I would say mmm... None? Well completely the opposite in my case it seems.
So now when I explained earlier that Beirut is like a village, I wasn’t joking about it. As I was walking in a Beirut street yesterday night waiting for my 2 new constantly giggling male European friends, I saw Monsieur J walking on the opposite side of the street. He was with another man and a couple of girls, chatting and looking intellectual with his glasses, which he never had during those 3 times I saw him.
It seems that it is true, when you really wish on something you truly want, it DOES happens... Or is it the opposite, when you try to hide from something, it appears out of nowhere and lands just in front of you? Well in my case it was both!
I wondered an hour earlier about how funny it would be if I saw Monsieur J tonight while dining with my 2 friends and if I would be comfortable or not, knowing that he still did not reply to my message and that I deleted his number the day before.
As he continued talking he saw me and paused, smiled to me as I smiled back but on his face he had this funny expression. Is there anywhere out there a book about the different expressions a human wears on his face, in different circumstances, I really need to read that. I mean here I was trying to understand in 10 seconds what his expression meant:
1- Oh damn!! I did not answer her text message and now I am busted!
2- Is that her?
3- Oh is she going to say something stupid AGAIN now?
4- What are the odds I meet the only girl I am trying to hide from?
5- Bla bla bla (I hear guys can have that in their heads sometimes while women are constantly analyzing everything)
6- Oh dear I forgot she was THAT cute (well excuse me! But I am trying to give myself a morale boost)
So I decided to cross the street and meet him, I was anyway meeting the 2 friends in front of a restaurant on the other side. He steps forward and after the 3 Lebanese kisses on the cheeks, he speaks; he thought he would see me at the screening tonight. Not knowing what he was talking about I asked what he meant... He shows me a paper, it was a Palestinian documentary and to be honest I was a bit disappointed. I thought we were going to share our knowledge about cultural events in Beirut: he would tell me the ones he knows about and I would tell him about the ones I know... I mean I did do my job very professionally before I quit last night, now why didn’t he do his as it was honestly his idea not mine!! I could not resist telling him that I missed that because he did not tell me about it, to which he responded with a smile... I then added "I am not sure you are a good cultural attaché," to which he also responded with a smile... I was not really joking about that, he surely lost his job and he can only blame himself for that!
Feeling I was still in control and not wishing to lose that, I started walking away while keeping the smile... And this is when he replied to my message of last night: "Tomorrow NO... Next week YES..."
What just happened here? Did he see the careless look on my face? I did not even ask!!! huh? Did I finally get it? Did I manage to make him think a bit? Was it that careless look that made him want to answer? I smiled carelessly, in control, and said: Then you call me... And here it was, the last shining smile before I turned away and walked without looking back!! Not much of being in control and looking cool, I called my friend Jo and told her what just happened, giggling like a funny 12 years old, hiding my face in front of the window of an art gallery...
Now the 2 friends arrived hardly a minute later and as they constantly giggle, I joined in. My giggling and blushing was about the unexpected meeting I just had and even though we do not know each other much, I think they felt something had just happened. Dinner was full of giggling most of which I did not understand… I would be talking to one of the two and the other one would comment in their incomprehensible language while the one I am looking at would smile. I kept reassuring them I was fully aware they are observing and commenting on my behaviour and that it was fine for me…
Now something I really like about this Italian restaurant we were having dinner at is that when you ask for the bill, the waiter comes with a basket full of numbers and asks you to choose a number from 1 to 90. Choosing the right number would make you the happy winners of a free meal; it was the best Italian restaurant in town_ this said to me by an Italian friend living in Beirut. B, one of the 2 men I was dining with, chose number 27… And the waiter shakes the basket, picks a number and... 27 it was… Not that we needed another excuse to continue the giggling and laughing but this was indeed a very funny end of day…
So I won myself a reply to my text message just by looking careless, a free dinner at the best Italian restaurant in town, 2 funny and interesting guys_ I have known only for a week_ asking me seriously if we are already old friends now and if we are going to keep in touch… And the nicest compliment from one of them saying I had a contagious smile... I am actually still wondering if I should mark November 27 as a lucky day that should be celebrated every year: "Beirut's National Day for Luck"
So now when I explained earlier that Beirut is like a village, I wasn’t joking about it. As I was walking in a Beirut street yesterday night waiting for my 2 new constantly giggling male European friends, I saw Monsieur J walking on the opposite side of the street. He was with another man and a couple of girls, chatting and looking intellectual with his glasses, which he never had during those 3 times I saw him.
It seems that it is true, when you really wish on something you truly want, it DOES happens... Or is it the opposite, when you try to hide from something, it appears out of nowhere and lands just in front of you? Well in my case it was both!
I wondered an hour earlier about how funny it would be if I saw Monsieur J tonight while dining with my 2 friends and if I would be comfortable or not, knowing that he still did not reply to my message and that I deleted his number the day before.
As he continued talking he saw me and paused, smiled to me as I smiled back but on his face he had this funny expression. Is there anywhere out there a book about the different expressions a human wears on his face, in different circumstances, I really need to read that. I mean here I was trying to understand in 10 seconds what his expression meant:
1- Oh damn!! I did not answer her text message and now I am busted!
2- Is that her?
3- Oh is she going to say something stupid AGAIN now?
4- What are the odds I meet the only girl I am trying to hide from?
5- Bla bla bla (I hear guys can have that in their heads sometimes while women are constantly analyzing everything)
6- Oh dear I forgot she was THAT cute (well excuse me! But I am trying to give myself a morale boost)
So I decided to cross the street and meet him, I was anyway meeting the 2 friends in front of a restaurant on the other side. He steps forward and after the 3 Lebanese kisses on the cheeks, he speaks; he thought he would see me at the screening tonight. Not knowing what he was talking about I asked what he meant... He shows me a paper, it was a Palestinian documentary and to be honest I was a bit disappointed. I thought we were going to share our knowledge about cultural events in Beirut: he would tell me the ones he knows about and I would tell him about the ones I know... I mean I did do my job very professionally before I quit last night, now why didn’t he do his as it was honestly his idea not mine!! I could not resist telling him that I missed that because he did not tell me about it, to which he responded with a smile... I then added "I am not sure you are a good cultural attaché," to which he also responded with a smile... I was not really joking about that, he surely lost his job and he can only blame himself for that!
Feeling I was still in control and not wishing to lose that, I started walking away while keeping the smile... And this is when he replied to my message of last night: "Tomorrow NO... Next week YES..."
What just happened here? Did he see the careless look on my face? I did not even ask!!! huh? Did I finally get it? Did I manage to make him think a bit? Was it that careless look that made him want to answer? I smiled carelessly, in control, and said: Then you call me... And here it was, the last shining smile before I turned away and walked without looking back!! Not much of being in control and looking cool, I called my friend Jo and told her what just happened, giggling like a funny 12 years old, hiding my face in front of the window of an art gallery...
Now the 2 friends arrived hardly a minute later and as they constantly giggle, I joined in. My giggling and blushing was about the unexpected meeting I just had and even though we do not know each other much, I think they felt something had just happened. Dinner was full of giggling most of which I did not understand… I would be talking to one of the two and the other one would comment in their incomprehensible language while the one I am looking at would smile. I kept reassuring them I was fully aware they are observing and commenting on my behaviour and that it was fine for me…
Now something I really like about this Italian restaurant we were having dinner at is that when you ask for the bill, the waiter comes with a basket full of numbers and asks you to choose a number from 1 to 90. Choosing the right number would make you the happy winners of a free meal; it was the best Italian restaurant in town_ this said to me by an Italian friend living in Beirut. B, one of the 2 men I was dining with, chose number 27… And the waiter shakes the basket, picks a number and... 27 it was… Not that we needed another excuse to continue the giggling and laughing but this was indeed a very funny end of day…
So I won myself a reply to my text message just by looking careless, a free dinner at the best Italian restaurant in town, 2 funny and interesting guys_ I have known only for a week_ asking me seriously if we are already old friends now and if we are going to keep in touch… And the nicest compliment from one of them saying I had a contagious smile... I am actually still wondering if I should mark November 27 as a lucky day that should be celebrated every year: "Beirut's National Day for Luck"
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Deleting THE Number
As I was watching Sex and the City yesterday night while lying in bed thinking about my miserable love life I discovered that I was not the only woman who acted stupid around a guy she liked; who made me blush 4 weeks ago, when no one managed to do so for a long time... Does that mean that I managed to find someone interesting, someone I liked, but that I am so close to making him run away as fast and far as he could?
I found myself wondering for the past week about that: How do we constantly manage to fascinate boys we are not interested in, yet manage to sound extremely silly around this certain guy?
I only met monsieur J 3 times in my life and still he succeeded in making me blush, acting stupid AND jealous and last deciding to delete his number (?!). Well yes, I discovered that being manipulated by a man in my mid thirties was too much for me to handle. Of course deleting his number was not an act to delete him from my life, since I am looking forward to bumping into him at parties, restaurants and bars... After all isn't Beirut similar to a village where everybody knows everybody and where you can never disappear but you can always hide if you decide to do so? Deleting his number was only to help myself not look for his number in my mobile and decide to call him whenever I feel like it, and again make a fool out of myself. I already established this "stupid behaviour" from my side and now I decided that it was time I act like the smart woman I am when around men of no interest to me, therefore I will wait for his calls in case he misses me and decides to see me. So I am following my dear friend's advice: "the ball is on his side now," and hoping he really sees that ball... If only I know how to make this ball so big he does not miss it...
In last night's episode of Sex and the City, Carrie was talking about this "waza zaza zsu" or whatever she called it... She was referring to this little pinch in the stomach we feel when we meet a guy we like... She kept talking and talking while sitting on the grass with him and managed to make him flee suddenly, on his motorbike, as fast as he could.
Did I make monsieur J do that? Flee as fast as he could and decide to ignore the message I sent him yesterday? We were supposed to meet for dinner or drink, 2 weeks ago, but he had to leave the country the same week due to family circumstances, and left me wondering if I was ditched, if he even cared about the dinner or was looking forward to it at all. I even asked a friend of mine if she thought he jumped up and down when he got my text message asking if he would like to have dinner with me soon, to which he answered "But of course... we will keep in touch, kiss." I guess not... Come to think of it do boys jump up and down when they know a girl is interested in them? I know that I do when I am excited about something. But from the conversation we had 2 days ago on the phone, I understood he was not dying to see me, but mentioned that he would like to join me to any cultural event happening in the country, and that I should keep him posted about those. To be honest, I am not sure I would like to be his cultural attachee. Even though it would be a very interesting job at any cultural center, but I am much more interested in having a more intimate role in his life. And being a very motivated woman as I am, I decided I was not going to take the job as his personal cultural attachee, and therefore, to escape the temptation, I deleted THE number.
Now the question remains, is he really that interested about the cultural scene in Beirut that he will contact me for news?
I found myself wondering for the past week about that: How do we constantly manage to fascinate boys we are not interested in, yet manage to sound extremely silly around this certain guy?
I only met monsieur J 3 times in my life and still he succeeded in making me blush, acting stupid AND jealous and last deciding to delete his number (?!). Well yes, I discovered that being manipulated by a man in my mid thirties was too much for me to handle. Of course deleting his number was not an act to delete him from my life, since I am looking forward to bumping into him at parties, restaurants and bars... After all isn't Beirut similar to a village where everybody knows everybody and where you can never disappear but you can always hide if you decide to do so? Deleting his number was only to help myself not look for his number in my mobile and decide to call him whenever I feel like it, and again make a fool out of myself. I already established this "stupid behaviour" from my side and now I decided that it was time I act like the smart woman I am when around men of no interest to me, therefore I will wait for his calls in case he misses me and decides to see me. So I am following my dear friend's advice: "the ball is on his side now," and hoping he really sees that ball... If only I know how to make this ball so big he does not miss it...
In last night's episode of Sex and the City, Carrie was talking about this "waza zaza zsu" or whatever she called it... She was referring to this little pinch in the stomach we feel when we meet a guy we like... She kept talking and talking while sitting on the grass with him and managed to make him flee suddenly, on his motorbike, as fast as he could.
Did I make monsieur J do that? Flee as fast as he could and decide to ignore the message I sent him yesterday? We were supposed to meet for dinner or drink, 2 weeks ago, but he had to leave the country the same week due to family circumstances, and left me wondering if I was ditched, if he even cared about the dinner or was looking forward to it at all. I even asked a friend of mine if she thought he jumped up and down when he got my text message asking if he would like to have dinner with me soon, to which he answered "But of course... we will keep in touch, kiss." I guess not... Come to think of it do boys jump up and down when they know a girl is interested in them? I know that I do when I am excited about something. But from the conversation we had 2 days ago on the phone, I understood he was not dying to see me, but mentioned that he would like to join me to any cultural event happening in the country, and that I should keep him posted about those. To be honest, I am not sure I would like to be his cultural attachee. Even though it would be a very interesting job at any cultural center, but I am much more interested in having a more intimate role in his life. And being a very motivated woman as I am, I decided I was not going to take the job as his personal cultural attachee, and therefore, to escape the temptation, I deleted THE number.
Now the question remains, is he really that interested about the cultural scene in Beirut that he will contact me for news?
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